Along with certain "resolutions" and quests for the new year, I have been given a theme word to remember. Each new word for each year, is simply something that I feel the Holy Spirit has impressed upon me to pay special focus, but is in no way the only focus. The theme for 2017 started to be whispered before I even began praying about it. It kept being recited over and over. To be sure, I still prayed for God to show me what He wanted me to focus on in 2017. Once again, He spoke clearly.
- an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady
- a condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.
Life is hard. That is so cliché, but it is also very true. I find is especially hard to "distribute the weight" of the responsibilities appropriately. My focus can lean heavily to the kids.....cause we have a lot of them, don't we? When it leans too heavily on them, there is inadequate care of my own physical, mental and spiritual health and I find my focus as a wife is lacking. This affects the greater relational dynamic between my husband and I . We begin to feel disconnected. This also does something else very significant, it begins to decompose the authorities placed within the family...Father, Mother, children. My role as wife comes before my role as mother. The role of Father comes before all. Then, there is the delicate balance of self care. "Mama always comes last" is not a healthy mindset. We are equally as worthy of care. We all know there is a fine line between self loathing and self obsession. Balance. Father, Mother, Child....and self somewhere in between. And, those responsibilities do not equate to one another. I know this because God placed these positions in the Bible, in this order. Relationships are substantially important, in this life, but neither of these are my greatest priority. I have one superior relationship that sadly gets a smaller portion of my time, more often, than the others. This is my relationship with the Creator of the Universe, the Author of the Truth. He wants a personal relationship with each and every one of us. One where we spend time with Him, where we listen more than we talk. One where we lift praises and requests before Him and not demands. And again, I say life is hard. It is hard because I make it hard. I do not act on the things that I know are true. I know this relationship fuels the entire rest of my life, and yet I allow myself to get bogged down by the tasks of daily life, because my relationship with my Savior wanes. Balance in life comes when we distribute the weight, not equally, but in proper proportion as "to remain upright and steady". It really does not sound hard. The Truth is that we will endure troubles in this life. I expect them. And, I do not think that my life is any harder than yours. All any of us need is the proper balance.
I have been working very hard over the past months, to complete the many unfinished blog posts from the past. Finally feeling a release and freedom to do so, I have focused on past accounts....heavily. So much that I have not kept past and present in "correct proportions". I am remembering to live life now and enjoy living it. I can still finish up things from months ago, but I must be sure to be present in the here and now. I must live for today more so than yesterday or tomorrow.